Who should pay for a wedding? That’s a tricky question to answer nowadays. All weddings (including destination weddings!) come with endless expenses—attire, travel, food and beverage flowers and décor, entertainment, invitations, and the list goes on! When destination weddings initially trended, they tended to be smaller family/friend focused events with groups of 60 or less guests.
Fast forward to the post-pandemic era, when the penchant for travel shows no sign of slowing down. Global accessibility means that many new couples want to celebrate their love abroad, in places that captured their hearts. Today’s destination weddings are averaging around 150 guests, which is a notable number for any wedding. The international venue options are endless, whether they are in Mexico, (Punta Mita, Cabo San Lucas, San Miguel Allende, Mayakoba), Cartagena, Colombia, or Italy (think Tuscany, or the Amalfi Coast),
The Question Is Who Should Pay For A Wedding?
Traditionally, as most of us know, the burden fell to the bride’s parents ,who would bear the brunt of the costs. However times and archaic traditions, they are a-changing. Nowadays there’s no set rule as to who should pay for a wedding. Family dynamics and relationships have evolved so much that the traditions of yesteryear are less relevant. Couples tend to be marrying older and consequentially, they are more financially established. As wedding etiquette evolves, so do the expectations around who pays for what. Let’s break it down.
The Traditional Breakdown
Once upon a time, the division of wedding expenses was clear-cut. The bride’s family would pay the bulk of the costs, including the venue, catering, flowers, photographer, gift, and even the wedding planner. The groom’s family had a smaller list, typically taking care of the rehearsal dinner, marriage license, and officiant fees.
But that’s not the norm anymore. With the rising age of first-time marriages (the median age is now 30.2 for men and 28.4 for women), couples are more financially independent. Many are choosing to pay for their own weddings, often with some financial help from their families. And let’s not forget same-sex couples, who are more likely to fund and plan their own celebrations (with the help of a reliable planner of course 😉 ).
Who Should Pay For What Part Of A Wedding Today?
Today’s wedding expenses are often shared between the couple and their families. The specifics vary depending on each family’s situation. On average, parents still contribute a little over half of the wedding budget, but that’s not a hard rule. It’s common for the bride and groom to want their wedding day to authentically represent their love story. With that natural desire for autonomy, it stands to reason that the couple should pay for a wedding that looks and feels exactly how they want it to.
Couples
Many couples today pay for a weddings themselves, especially as they marry later in life. They might cover the big-ticket items like the venue, catering, and their attire. They might also handle all the costs if they want complete control over their wedding decisions.
Bride’s Parents
If the bride’s parents are contributing, they often still cover traditional expenses like the venue and catering. However, many parents today opt to set a specific budget or offer a lump sum for the newlyweds to spend as they wish.
Groom’s Parents
Traditionally responsible for the rehearsal dinner, the groom’s family might also contribute to other expenses like the bar tab or even part of the venue cost. Like the bride’s parents, they might provide a specific contribution rather than taking on specific costs.
The Welcome Party
The welcome party, a newer tradition especially popular for destination weddings, is another cost to consider. This casual gathering the night before the rehearsal dinner is a great way to greet guests, but who pays for a wedding welcome party? It depends. Sometimes the couple covers it, especially if it’s a more casual affair. In other cases, the groom’s family might step in to host, or both families might share the cost.
The Rehearsal Dinner
The rehearsal dinner has traditionally been the responsibility of the groom’s family. It’s their chance to host, to honor the bride and groom and thank the wedding party, especially those who have traveled from afar. But like all things wedding-related, this isn’t set in stone. Some couples opt to pay for it themselves, particularly if they have a specific vision for the evening or if it’s a small, intimate gathering.
Flexibility is Key to Deciding Who Should Pay For A Wedding
The most important thing to remember is that there’s no one-size-fits-all rule anymore. The key to avoiding awkwardness and stress is open communication. Couples should talk to both sets of parents early in the planning process to understand what they can and want to contribute. It’s all about finding a balance that works for everyone involved. Setting the financial expectations early on and make sure everyone is aligned with the expectations.
Always Consider The Big Picture
If you’re agonizing over who should pay for a wedding, consider this. As someone who has been lucky enough to witness many incredible nuptials, my advice is to remember the big picture. As you lock eyes at the steps of a church altar, or barefoot on a beach, or overlooking a valley under a Tuscan sunset, all that matters is that two individuals are creating a new, forever bond. Who pays for a wedding is secondary to the new family that is being created that day.
It’s evident that there’s no hard and fast rule about who should pay for a wedding. I do believe that weddings are about celebrating love, not going into debt. Whether you stick to tradition or blaze your own trail, the best approach is to be clear and communicative about finances from the start. After all, a wedding is a momentous occasion, but it’s just the beginning of your life together. So, plan wisely, spend within your means, and most importantly, enjoy the ride. YOU GOT THIS BABY!
Happy planning!
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